Night Runner

That night I came home knowing the truth. It was nearly 3 in the morning. I’d prepped her beforehand. I stood there in the living room, controlled, calm, arms folded; I was as present as a man can be.

“I’m only going to ask you once,” I said, “and how you answer this will decide whether or not I go to jail tonight.”

It always makes me wonder how you can prepare someone for a question concerning lies and truth and still wind up receiving lies. Don’t they know we already have the truth? Are they really trying to hide still?

Are they scared of our reaction? Are they scared of us? Hmm? Or are they deeply in fear of facing the reality of who they really are?

It isn’t just cheating. It’s the way they…. look into your eyes and feed you reassurances. It’s the lengths they go to create second and third lives. It’s the jokes and laughs behind your back when you go to the bar to grab all those motherfuckers another drink with your money. It’s the way your friends laugh with you while they text her at your table. It’s the way they can FUCK behind your back and still make you feel inferior for never doing enough. It’s the way they are so god-damn good at all of this. They’re so good at it… and we spend days trying to understand how they can be so good at something like that.

It’s the way they manipulate every aspect of their day, social media, friends, and leverage every last bit of power to make you look the part of the devil in their stead, and then it’s the way, even in our pain, we still show them more mercy and compassion than they have ever shown us.

I still ask myself… not how could you do it….. over and over and over and over…. with so many of them…. but how could you be so good at doing it? How could you do all that and win at the end? How are you the victim…. still…. after all that?

What I really wonder is what do you see and what do you feel when you look in the mirror? Or do you?

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