This is fascinating to me. I’m having a whole other crisis of my own. You say that polyamory helped you understand a deeper or different or more expansive nature of love. Meanwhile I can’t even figure it out with one. It’s really bothering me lately. At 37, having been through a hell of a lot of life, I’m not moved by loss. I could lose everyone tomorrow and be completely unmoved. I’m having a hard time separating my inability to feel loss from my ability to love.

That’s a huge mind dump. I’m just talking aloud because I’ve read quite a bit of your journey. I can’t imagine needing someone the way you need Jack. It’s an idea that’s totally foreign to me. I do have a similar expression of feeling about my mortality. I fear not having certain experiences but I know intellectually that the physicality alone won’t satisfy the deeper spiritual longing. Yet when I achieve the spiritual connection I’m numb to it. Sort of a catch-22 I suppose.

Sorry to hijack this with a long, annoying comment.